Had to write another post on this. Between Cancer & Alzheimer's I could write probably 10 posts a day, but, I'm trying to spare everyone, and only write once a day.
My late ex MIL also had Alzheimer's. She had started to exhibit symptoms long before my ex & I broke up; I think because I was even closer to her then most of her kids, and spoke her saw her almost every day, I recognized something was not right first.
My MIL had a stroke at age 45. She was always very open about her addiction to valium after the stroke, as well as her other, hmm, picadillo's, such as her OCD & Agoraphobia. She had a very promising career as a young woman, both as an apprentice for a well known designer, and as a buyer for large Department store. Her father had a well known business on Broadway in NYC, and she was treated like a true princess, being an only child. She grew up with celebrities who lived in the same building she did. Her Italian parents were very protective, however, and even though she was very intelligent & creative, it left its mark. She was also a vegetarian from a very young age, she adored animals.
Instead of pursuing what probably would have been a brilliant career, she married young, and of course, stopped working. She still led a very insulated life, her parents were close by, and she rarely left the city.
Her real undoing was when she left NY, and came to NJ, to the suburbs. I think it's a decision she regretted all her life. Her parents still came to visit every weekend, but she sorely missed living in the city, where just about everything was withing walking distance.
My MIL had a drivers license, but I dont think she ever drove, even though she always renewed it. She was a city girl through & through, and a little bit of her withered away through the years, and I think thats one of the reasons she developed her agoraphobia.
Anyway. I started noticing more and more symptoms of forgetfullness after her husband died, plus she would have these "spells" (later on, they found out she had a large benign tumor up near her sinuses) She was an obsessive list maker; and she would become very frustrated, because she started forgetting where she had laid down her lists.
Because we were so close, and she trusted me, I would be able to persuade her to go to the Drs, and do the things she should do. After my ex & I separated, I felt tremendous guilt, (she was one of the reasons I always hesitated to separate sooner) because she went into a rapid decline.
My ex, who was living with her, refused to let me have contact with her. And yet, none of her children, most of all, the two who were living with her
did nothing. They didnt take her to the Dr., and of course my ex, the prince of denial, as always, would not even acknowledge that something was wrong.
So, for years, my MIL went on, rapidly declining. I understand the denial and feeling helpless, in light of her illness, but in the end, the physical condition she was in, as well as the house, was quite appalling, given that there was someone living with her. No help was hired; towards the end, yes, the sisters would come in, but their Mother was too far gone, and because somebody was not with her all day, it makes me shudder to this day, that she didn't burn the house down, or wander away.
Could I have done more? Realistically, my ex spurned all my suggestions, or offers of help. Pretty ironic, now that his Mother is dead, and he and his brother live in the house they inherited, that he has no problem with me being there.
I did go to her viewing & funeral. And I was stunned, she looked beautiful. I thought that now that she was at peace, her beauty had returned. She would have been very happy at how she looked. And I have to comfort myself, that at least before she truly had lost it all, we had a wonderful relationship.
