yaw

I hate Microsoft Vista.  Really, I do.
I just uploaded a new batch of photos; only to find that I could not find ANY of my other photos on my laptop.  What's worse, is that I was in the process of installing Carbonite, I had let the expiration period lapse.  I'm writing this as I install Carbonite after I purchased it, but now I'm thinking I'll have to do a system restore.
This all happened after my last Vista update.
Thankfully, if I can't get it to work, my computer guy is coming next week.  He's going to give me a good slap.(he's an old school friend)

The hubs had to go for a biopsy this past week, his prostate lit up on the last PET scan.  He got a fast appointment with the head of Urology, who believes since nothing has shown up previously, and Sam's last PET was in June, this is probably not Cancer.  We're keeping our fingers crossed.

In between all of this, and other things, I flew to Vegas to see my sister married.  She was a gorgeous bride!  I hate to say this, but I'm jealous.  Of how petite and beautiful she is.  What's worse, is that I always get a great deal of swelling when I fly.  My face, stomach, legs.  Makes me look 50 lbs fatter then I am.  And I was just at the Dr. last week, and had lost a few more pounds.  I hate photos of myself!  So, here I am, next to my petite sisters, my Tria-athlete brother, and I look like a whale.  What's confusing is that I have not gained, I've lost more since I took a photo of myself after losing so many inches a couple of months ago.  Makes me look like a liar to my family when I say how much weight I've lost.

Aside from the Vista problems, I've been having network & online problems.  I've mostly been using my iPhone for all my online activities.  This is the first day in ages I've attempted to be online.  I have articles to write, a business to set up online, and it's been very frustrating.  Hopefully, this post will publish.  If I haven't commented on any blogs lately, that is why. Plus we are working on the house.

I look forward to catching up on everyone's blog! Have a great weekend!

Bleh, Thursday,

Life is nuts this week.  Hence my procrastination at doing my giveaway.  It involves a recipe using one of the yummy seasonings from Wildtree.  Unfortunately, my kitchen is um, being cleaned out in preparation for some renovation. My counters should be cleared to cook soon.  I've managed to strongarm  charm my hubby into helping me clear a lot of clutter out of the house.  I really think he's just getting fed up with all the creative language I use when I trip over things.

Does anyone know how to remove old stickers from mirrors?  We have a gorgeous antique armoire in our bedroom, that was in one of my daughters bedrooms, however, as kids often do, she put a sticker on the mirror, and I'm having a heck of a time removing it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Well, the Cancer roller coaster is once again doing flip flops in our stomachs.  Hubby lit up on his last PET scan, and as per the course, he needs to see another specialist.  I won't go into too much detail yet, but I can say that his lungs are clear.  That's a biggie.  After tommorrow, we'll know some more about well, some more...LOL.  Thank You dear friends, for all your well wishes and prayers!

I'm having trouble with adding widgets & HTML to my blog right now.  Thinking of switching to WordPress, but I'm kinda comfortable here at Blogger, and I think I just need to put more time into the more techy stuff.
Going to the mountains next weekend; it's peak season for color!! I get my best photos during the fall, last year I missed it. 

A wonderful old school friend has been working on my computers & network.  He worked a miracle on my old desktop, I have things I didn't back up.  In mentioning that, it was recommended to me by several people that I download Carbonite, an online backup service.  You can download the trial, and the subscription is actually quite reasonable. 

If your on Facebook, check to see if your favorite retailor is there.  They offer special promotions for their FB fans, ex: The Gap was offering up to 30% off, Vera Bradley has some amazing deals and Retailmenot.com also publishes their latest coupons. 


Lastly, if you've never heard of Reece's Rainbow, they are a non profit organization that helps facilitate international adoptions of special needs children overseas.  Especially Down Syndrome children.  Please visit them, and read their mission statement, and the stories of the beautiful babies there.  I know we have many children in this country who need families, but the situation is very dire for these children in many parts of the world, especially Eastern Europe.  Children with special needs are often put into orphanages, they are not valued as human beings.  After the age of 4, they are then institutionalized, where the quality of their lives is even worse, and many of them die from neglect.  Please take a moment, and visit RR.

In With The New, Out With The Old.

Thank you Missie :>)

Hi everyone :>)
Where is Autumn???  Today, even after quite a burst of rain, it was still degrees and muggy. And today was the day I decided to make a big family dinner for all my children.  Yes, the AC in the kitchen was running all day. 

The wee girl wanted to go to the Goodwill to find a few pieces of clothing for School Spirit Week.  We didn't find what she needed, but she did get a few cute skirts (as if she needs anymore clothes) I scored a brand new in package, Woolrich Down Blanket, Queen size in Light blue.  $20.  I paid twice that online.  I have one of these blankets on every bed; they are great all year round. And they wash very well. 

I forgot to post a photo of my new quilt set I got on eBay a little while back.  It's a stock photo of the set, if I ever get my room de-cluttered, I'll take a photo of that! Our room is pale yellow, with antique furnishings.  I bought this set for the warmer weather; I'm a wee bit addicted to buying quilts, comforters, duvets to match the season. 

And a photo of the sofa/love seat covers I bought for the furniture in the mountain house:

Tommorrow, a friend is coming to straighten out my computer problems, and install our new wireless network.  So, I have to clean my office.  Wish me luck.  If it's decent enough when I'm through, I'll take photos.  In order to do business at home, I have to re-organize everything. I noticed today, that my previously beautifully re-done 3rd floor has become hubby's ironing room ;>)  Plus of course, nobody picks up in the bathroom.  I need some space up there for inventory organization.  I also have a foyer before the stairs to the 3rd floor.  As of now, my Ball Python Snake Jade resides there, I'm moving her to my office.  It's very warm in the foyer in the summer, which is what she needs, but winter is coming.

I decided to set a good example and start downsizing aka selling a lot of things I don't or will never need.  One of the items I'm considering selling is an antique Chaise Lounge aka a fainting couch.  It's quite lovely; but, it's sitting on the third floor, where it really doesn't fit in.   There's no room in my bedroom for it.  I also have two antique parlour chairs, which have the rounded backs.  I've never liked the fabric, or the lightness of the wood on them.

I'm going to put some feelers out about the Chaise, I know it's worth a bit of money, and if I can't get a decent amount, I'll hold on to it. 

Hubby and I are having serious conversations about the amount of, um, things we have. Mostly his.  I love him dearly, but he's a bit of a hoarder.  We had to build a pole barn to hold his treasures, plus every extra storage space on the property is just FULL.  He's having a hard time. 

Since I'm going to be doing a lot of online selling, I'm trying to convince him to part with some of his treasures.  Now that he's officially retired, he's promised to work on it. 

Until next time!

Maire

Harvest Bargains!

Mmmm, Autumn!  Leaves changing colors, Halloween, Thanksgiving...I was sitting by my pool one day not too long ago, and thought that it had been such a fine summer, I wish it never ended.
But, being the Northeast/East Coast gal that I am, I love the change of seasons.  And as soon as that first hint of crisp, cool air hits in September, I'm ready to cover the pool, take down my now dying summer flower hanging baskets, and start getting excited about the upcoming Fall months.

I buy so many candles, I usually buy them by the case. (in my last post I mentioned one of my favorite candle companies) I also love Yankee Candles, but, only buy them on sale.  One of my favorite items is their room scent atomizers.  Especially the apple scents.
Anywho, Yankee Candles is having some great online sales. And  retailmenot.com also has a coupon code on their site. Here's the link to YC:
Yankee Candle  Use coupon code:   QHVNP8J for $10 off any online orders of $25 or more through 10/16  If your lucky enough to have an outlet near you, check it out, but be careful, I found some sales in the regular store, that were better then in the outlet.


I'm also a Bath & Body Works freak.  My favorite scent (and Hubby's) is Juniper Breeze.  Which they now only carry in the stores certain times of the year. Bah Humbug! They do carry it online though, and the hubs got such great deals, he bought me two huge gift bags full for my Birthday.  They always have great sales online; make sure and sign up for their email newsletters.  Bath and Body Works  coupon code: 
SEPTHX for 20% off your order, plus free shipping $50 & over. Juniper Breeze is really a warm weather scent, so I haven't picked one out for the Fall yet.  


I had a good trip to the thrift store last week; both things to sell, and to keep.  I got a lovely Coldwater Creek dress; the style is sort of along the same line as the Staci Frati Sweet Pea Layered mesh style. It was also half price, so I got it for $4.00.
Every girl should have a simple black cocktail dress, and I snagged a brand new looking Ann Taylor black cocktail sheath for Tegan.  She's so easy to buy for! I know what styles she likes, and she's around a size 3-5, so lots of nice clothing items to always be found for her!


I have some news to write about in my next post...some good, some not so good, maybe some of it will have changed by then.


Have a great night!


Maire

Flowers, the Old Homestead & Candles!

I often refer to my yard & gardens as the great unclaimed wilderness.  The photo above is of my Morning Glories, which grow wild & cover one whole length of my fence facing out toward the driveway.  They also spread upwards, covering the one half of my back porch.  I adore them!  They are perennials, the only maintenance I do is to clear off the dead vines before the Winter.  They add such beauty to our ugly fence.  Hubby made the mistake of getting some weed killer on part of the vines this year, so we had a few wee bare spots.  
 

This is our money pit.  This photo was taken before our summer landscaping, so the front gardens are very bare. We once again have to re-paint our front porch & steps; as well as touch up the trim (which was never finished by our contractor) You can't see it in the photo, but we have an old Granny Smyth apple tree in the front, which sadly is very old & has to come down.  
Many wonderful, peaceful evenings are spent on our front porch, where I have an assortment of antique & vintage wicker.  I love wind chimes & try to add a new one every year that I take a fancy too.  
Although my bed garden flowers are still flourishing, I will start getting in mums, and hanging planters with fall flowers in them. As soon as the summer flowers wither (I hate to pull them while they still have blossoms) my fall/winter plantings will go in.
As much as I loved sitting on the porch while it was warm, I love it even more when I wrap myself up, with a cup of coffee or hot cocoa, candles lit, and converse quietly with my hubby.  (while our poor babies press their noses against the windows, lolol)

Speaking of candles, there is a fabulous candle company I've been ordering candles from for quite a few years.  I first discovered them in a shop in the Catskills, the prices were quite dear, and they were a rare purchase.  However, I looked them up online, and discovered to my delight, they not only sold to the public, but you could purchase them at wholesale prices, as long as you bought a case. In my opinion, they are every bit as wonderfully scented as the more expensive brands, and their customer service is excellent! 


http://www.cabincandlery.com/

One of my favorite scents is Country Home. Go take a peek!  I'll be ordering a case this week; they are great to give as gifts, and pretty inexpensive one's at the wholesale prices. I hope you enjoy browsing there.


Until next time, Peace to all of you!




 
 

9/11

What was I doing that day when it happened??

I was in what is now Hubby's office; on the computer. I had promised myself some time before that I wouldn't have the TV on all day. I was checking emails from a group I belonged too, when I saw new one's pop up; group members were asking if anyone had seen what happened in NYC.

I immediately ran in and switched on the television.

And was in shock.  I saw the second plane hit the WTC, and thought maybe I had fallen asleep, and it was a nightmare.

Tragically...not so.

The first thoughts I had after the initial shock, was for my children.  We had just moved right outside two military bases, and my first impulse was to go and pick them all up.  I called my hubby, who was at school, and honestly I can't remember when he called me back, but he told me they had been watching it in the classroom. 

After I was assured by my children's schools that all was secure, I just sat. And cried.  And was glued to the TV. 

That very morning, my oldest daughter who was signing up for the National Guard, was scheduled to be in Philly for her physical.  That was called off.  She did not pursue going into the military after that day.  I was still technically in the USAR, and wondered if I was going to be called up. 

A lot of that day is foggy; I remember my children being confused, upset and angry.  Emails started to pour in from my family overseas, wondering if we were ok.  Hubby told me he could see the smoke from his school. 

The aftermath was just terrible.  I never went to the WTC site until last month.  Yes, I was a coward, even almost 9 years later, I couldn't face going there.  I have friends who were firemen there, to this day, they suffer, one I know disabled because of that terrible day.

3 months later, I had to fly to Ireland for my Mother's funeral.  I was terrified of flying.  I remember panicking at seeing unclaimed baggage in the airports.

All my life I had heard stories from family about what it was like to live in a country where bombs, shootings, murders etc were part of their everyday life.  As much as it touched me, until 9/11, I would never know what it felt like to be that close to terrorism.  And sadly, I believe that this country was never the same after that.

Michael Douglas

My heart sank when I read about Michael Douglas's revelations about his Throat Cancer.  And further to read about  his beautiful wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones frustration and anger in the delay of his diagnosis.

Because, you see, we've been there.

I too remember the anger at our then family Drs. dismissal of my husband's symptoms.  The almost 6 month delay in having his symptoms properly diagnosed, after hubby returned to his old family Dr., who had the good sense to immediately see that something was wrong, and gave him an immediate referral to the proper specialist.

The ENT specialist, who immediately spotted the problem, and broke the news of my hubby's cancer. But, sent my hubby to one of the best surgeon's in the country, really one of the only one's who could do the life saving surgery he needed.  And at the same time, send him to a top radiation oncologist.  And one of the best hospitals in the country, for his type of Cancer.

My hubby has Pyriform Sinus Cancer.  Yes, even as far as Cancer's go, it is a nasty bugger.  But, someone is looking out for him (and us) because all his Drs. say thus far he is a miracle case. 

Sadly, Michael Douglas is stage IV, and has a walnut size tumor (so I read) at the base of his tongue.  We know from everything we've learned & researched, and from other's who have the same type of tumor and Cancer that he does, that his outcome isn't good. 

And I truly am so very sad, for him, his wife, and his family. 

It's so ironic, that in this day and age, no matter who you are, no matter how much money you have, there are some things that just don't discriminate. You'd think, that with all the money that Michael has, all the resources, he still was not diagnosed early enough. 

My hubby initially went to the fancy pants new practice, with young, supposedly knowledgeable Drs, and they blew him off.  It was his semi retired, old country Dr, who practices in a office that would kindly be described as "quaint" where he began he finally was pointed in the right direction.  We were very fortunate (and blessed) to have the Drs & hospital, where cutting edge surgery and treatment was available. 

I can only offer well wishes to Michael, and his family, that he too, can be given the hope and blessing that my husband, myself and our family has been given. I truly empathize with his wife; I understand her frustration, anger and fears.  I now treasure the gift of every day I have my husband here with me; the love that's been renewed.  I appreciate all the little things we have together. 

It's always so difficult for me to put into words and write down how important Faith, Love and Hope were, and still are when your dealing with a struggle such as Cancer, and the terrifying possiblity of losing someone you love.  Besides everything medically, it's really what got us through, and continues to. 

I'm so Sassy...

Around March 2010 I think

January 2010-You can see the puffiness in my face/neck from my meds, ack

August 2010-Chopped my hair off!

My weight loss journey has certainly had it's up & downs. Added into the mix are the meds I take, which depending on which one's I have to take & the doseage, can swell my face.

After agonizing (and I mean literally for months) I decided to take the plunge and totally revamp my hair.  I have alopecia, and have to wear hairpieces to add to my own hair, but my own hair was quite long, and I hated to cut off what I had.  Plus, hubby likes long hair ::smile::

With the encouragement of family & friends (except for hubby) and after torturing my evil twinnie Mary this summer, I decided on a bob, longer in the front, short in the back.  Color wise, It's a medium brown, with blonde streaks. Sorry, the pic isn't a great one, but I think you get the idea.

I LOVE IT!!

 I've gotten tons of compliments, plus I think it takes a few years off my ::cough:: age. (47 for those dying to know)
And best of all (I know I should just care what I think but...) the hubs loves it too!!

Weight loss wise, all I can say is Eh & Eh again..I'm stuck at a plateau, it's mostly my own fault.  Fitness wise, I'm doing great; I have a lot more muscle tone, despite my pain. 

The one question I have is this: Hubby lost 50 lbs, during his Cancer battle.  He previously had a huge spare tire. When he lost his weight, his stomach went flat.  No sagging, etc.  I lost my weight, and my stomach just sagged.

Not fair, right?
I'm so ready for my "Mommy Makeover"
Can't complain about the inches lost on my waist though, even if I have that gross, you know, sag.

I've bought some gorgeous new clothes this summer (all bargains of course) Dresses, sexy tees, etc
I'm never going to be a size 5 or 7 or probably a 10 again. I've got big shoulders, big boobs, and big hips.  My goal is 20 more pounds. And increased strength & fitness.  And to try to make healthy food choices.  Which I don't always do, but I've gotten much better.  I know I've come a long way, because if I make unhealthy dietary choices, I feel, well, unhealthy.  I don't eat half as much meat, I cook much healthier. 

It does help that the positive encouragement I've given to hubby has paid off.  He no longer is a "Meat & Taters Guy" Many of our friends are also very athletic and have healthier diets. 

There are some days I can barely move, but many more days when I can walk forever!  I just take it day by day. 

It's very encouraging & inspirational to read about the healthy choices & see all of the gorgeous pics in blogland that everyone shares, Thank You!

Still Here!

Life has been very busy here. Lots of transitions, changes, decisions to be made. Emotions to be sorted. But it's all good! My baby is starting her senior year of HS. I've had children in school for over 20 years! Feels like only yesterday I was taking my oldest daughter to pre-school, she was holding onto to me tightly. She's still my very shy child!

Our life is still in flux. It all rides on events & decisions surrounding hubbies health & job. Just when we think that we know what's going on, it changes. He is doing very well health wise, so far. We are more then grateful! All of this affects my decisions involving my business. Yes, you read right. I'm going to do independently what I did for the organization I worked for. There have been some logistics to work out, as well as some anxiety to deal with. But I was hit with the bug again. And I'm good at what I do. So it makes the most sense financially. Plus, it will be flexible, to fit in with whatever plans we have in the future.

I can't complain about our summer; we enjoyed an absolutely wonderful time with my darling cousin from England & her hubby. This was the first time we've ever actually met in person; I have to say that it was if we'd always known each other (in person) I am blessed with the most wonderful, loving family in the world!!! Alas, most of them are in different countries. Through the wonderment of the internet & social networking, it has made it possible for us all to keep in touch.


Something that has weighed heavily on my mind: All of the blogging scammers coming to light online. I won't name any names here, but I'm sure you all know at least a couple that you've encountered. People who scam for donations, using their loved one's as bait. I'm fortunate in that I'm a cynic. Common sense was pounded into my head as a child. Any donations I've ever made to anyone online, I make sure I can verify (so far) the authenticity of the cause.

And it also saddens me that so many people are so insecure with themselves, that they blindly follow some of these bloggers. The worst are some of the Mommy bloggers. There are some truly inspiring Women who do blog; but....if it's making you feel as if you don't measure up in your own life, or making you feel inferior as a woman or Mother, this is not good. You never know what really goes on in the life of people, by what they write online. One can always be inspired; but you should never feel inferior.

And for goodness sakes, never donate money, unless you can verify, without a doubt that the circumstances are true. Maybe I'll do a post on red flags to look for. Charity towards other's is an amazing attribute to have; but the reality is that there are dishonest people out there, who do not deserve such heartfelt giving.

Wow

Didn't realize how long it's been since I last posted.
Lot of things going on; with hubby's job, my health, kids, house etc. Once I get out of the habit of blogging, time seems to fly by, until I suddenly realize it's been months!

We are basically in a state of flux right now. Can't really talk about it in detail, but we are being forced to make decisions about our immediate & long term future. Hubby is doing well health wise; with the exception of one possible problem, but the Drs. are keeping an eye on it and hopefully it's nothing. Other then that, he's working his normal hours.

Myself? Well, healthwise, things have basically been whacky. And if I'm not feeling well for any period of time, I get depressed. BUT, I have basically kicked myself in the butt, and done a major self attitude adjustment. Can't change some things, focus on what I can. Lot of positive self talk. Take it one day at a time. Getting back in the groove. If I was still working, I'd be able focus on that, but I'm home. Makes me a major slacker. I really shouldn't say that, being in a lot of pain zaps my energy after a while, mentally & physically.

The hubs had been gently trying to prod me into getting back into the appraisal/auction/selling field, since that seems to be the thing I do best. I just haven't *felt* it for a while. I've been driving myself crazy trying to decide what other field I should go into; whether it meant going back to school, or getting another job. However, being in the state I am now, I finally realized that I have to stick with what I know, and what I do well at. And that hit me all of a sudden with a trip to the thrift store while we were in the mountains recently. I was browsing in the book section, and I saw a set of antique books. And just like that, the appraiser part of me kicked in. I guess I was just mentally ready again. Checked on my phone, and discovered they were worth something. I won't say my hands were shaking, but that old excitement kicked in again. And that was that.

We consider ourselves frugal, but because of further financial concerns, we are taking it to a new level. Which is fine, whatever little luxuries we have (and they are few) can go. Just thrilled to be able to enjoy my Hubby & family.

The weather here is gorgeous this weekend! Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there!!!

My Own Two Cents

I understand the fears about Universal Health Care.
I am by no means an expert, but I do have quite a few of my own experiences, as well as having family in other countries that have national health care systems in place.
My insurance company was threatening last year not to provide any coverage for the hospital that saved my husbands life. We went through months of anxiety, wondering if we were going to lose everything, because we would end up paying out of pocket for his medical expenses. Fortunately, this didn't happen. Although we have quite a bit we do have to pay for, we were greatly relieved.
The same insurance company also refused initially to pay for the nutritional feeds my husband needed via NG & Gastric tube. The expense of the liquid nutrition, plus equipment is staggering, and that doesn't include the extra protein concoctions I had to purchase, because the feeds barely sustained him nutritionally. And the worst of it was the medical company we dealt with; we were referred to them, and had the initial consult in the hospital, in fact, being ignorant of the process, they were the only one's we were referred to.

This medical company, of course assuming that most people who have health insurance are going to be covered, don't tell you the cost of everything. When I discovered that we were probably not going to be covered for the expense, I was hot on the phone to find out exactly what the costs were, as I would be now be doing some comparison shopping.

It took me over TWO MONTHS to find out the costs. They called us every week without fail, to find out what we needed, but when I started asking what it cost, suddenly, whoever you were speaking to on the phone had to have someone else get back to you, because they didn't have that information. I finally threatened to take our business elsewhere, and to seek legal counsel for unethical consumer practices.

Eventually, the insurance company agreed to pay for the feeds & equipment.

I know many people who have chronic diseases, such as Diabetes. One friend of mine, a former coworker, has to contribute a dear amount to her health premium costs, plus has substantial copays. She cannot afford the out of pocket costs for her test strips, syringes, and even the meds. She is the working poor. And as a result of this, she develops many of the associated medical problems associated with her disease. She misses work, loses wages...it's a vicious cycle.

Many people have misconceptions about national health care programs in other countries, one concern cited is the long wait to see specialists. I have news for you, even with excellent insurance coverage, I've been told that I'd have to wait upwards of 6 months for an appointment with some specialists.

There have been many months in the past, when I could not afford the medications I needed, because we have to pay out of pocket, then get reimbursed at the insurance company's leisure, I might add. It would be fine if they reimbursed in time for me to get my refills, but that's often not the case.

I've been through the experience of being denied coverage for pre existing conditions; in my case pregnancy. I went without prenatal care for a certain period of time, while I scrambled to try to find temporary assistance. I developed complications, partially because when I did finally get approval at a hospital clinic, the care was subpar. It put the life of my unborn child in jeopardy. Both during my prenatal care, and during the delivery. This country has one of the highest infant mortality rates in the world; are you kidding me?

These are just my own experiences; I strongly believe that this country needs health care reform; I believe that the concept in itself threatens us to our Capitalist core that we could achieve this. I do think you have to go through your own life experiences in order to form an opinion; and based on what I've seen & experienced here, and in other countries, that we can do better.

The Very Best Season

I felt it in the air when I was able to open the windows for the first time since before Winter.
Despite all the recent nasty weather, all my beautiful flowers are coming up quite nicely in my gardens. New mulch ready to be spread in preparation for new plantings.
The doldrums of being indoors for months is lifting; I feel that familiar stir inside of renewal.
I can again hang my wind chimes, which play there magical tunes all during the warm weather months.
The lovely wicker chairs on my front porch are ready for a sprucing up, newly laundered cushions placed on the seats, waiting for many evening chats that take place there, with candles lit, and mugs of coffee or cool drinks in hand.
Soon, there will be the scent of newly cut grass in the air.
This year, I have two beautiful dogs to walk; with trips to our favorite park for picnics and long walks by the water, and the geese & ducks being scattered by the excited curiosity of the rambunctious pups.
It's Spring.
Probably my favorite season of all.
This year, we have much to be joyful about; it is also a renewal of our life together.
Last year, we really had no time to pay attention to the beauty of the season.
We will also be heading down to the NC Coast, with a side trip through the Blue Ridge Mountains as a family. Leaving behind renovations & repairs, the constant reminder of every growing financial concerns. Just for a short time. But, long enough to catch our breath.
I realized all of this when I finally was able to leave the house for a bit, the sun was shining, and the air smelled so clean and fresh.
Today, life is good.

Yo

For a few different reasons, I decided to delete all the previous posts in this blog. I think the main one was because I felt that after the trying times we'd been through in the last year & a half, I needed a fresh start. Am I sorry I did it? Yes, sort of. The entries had a lot of emotion written in them; Hubby's journey with Cancer, my own health struggles, losing my job. I had also considered going private, because of some nasty spamming & emails, and also because I hold a public position in the community (I won't go any further then that) My thinking process has not been very clear lately, I should have just deleted the whole blog, and then could have opened it again. But, what's done is done.

Our life is pretty much returning to whatever normal is for us. Or maybe not. We do our everyday things, Hubby does to work, (I don't go to work now) we worry about money, we worry about the kids, the house, etc. But now there's always that every few months of hubby going through his post treatment checkups & testing, and for a couple of weeks we hold our breath. And then breathe a sigh of relief. And then hold our breath again, because they want to do another test, because they thought they saw something on the PET scan or MRI. And then you do the rounds with the 3 or 4 Drs. involved, who all have different opinions and want different tests. So, actually, it drags out for a month. So far, everything has been positive, but all the anxiety & fear comes rushing back again, even if just for that short period of time.

Plus, my own health issues are dogging my ass. I had a dental procedure, and quickly became ill, turns out all that nasty bacteria was released into my bloodstream, and it's been like a pinball hitting a different part of my body every couple of weeks. Luckily, it hasn't affected my heart, but I'm on antibiotics yet again, because of my kidneys. A neuro consultation at the hospital was screwed up, because they scheduled me with the wrong Dr.

Yeah, I've kicked myself in the ass more then once about being grateful for the blessings we have. And I truly am. But to be honest, I feel like crap, am tired, cranky, and just don't feel like crapping rainbows right now. So I'm not.