For a few different reasons, I decided to delete all the previous posts in this blog. I think the main one was because I felt that after the trying times we'd been through in the last year & a half, I needed a fresh start. Am I sorry I did it? Yes, sort of. The entries had a lot of emotion written in them; Hubby's journey with Cancer, my own health struggles, losing my job. I had also considered going private, because of some nasty spamming & emails, and also because I hold a public position in the community (I won't go any further then that) My thinking process has not been very clear lately, I should have just deleted the whole blog, and then could have opened it again. But, what's done is done.
Our life is pretty much returning to whatever normal is for us. Or maybe not. We do our everyday things, Hubby does to work, (I don't go to work now) we worry about money, we worry about the kids, the house, etc. But now there's always that every few months of hubby going through his post treatment checkups & testing, and for a couple of weeks we hold our breath. And then breathe a sigh of relief. And then hold our breath again, because they want to do another test, because they thought they saw something on the PET scan or MRI. And then you do the rounds with the 3 or 4 Drs. involved, who all have different opinions and want different tests. So, actually, it drags out for a month. So far, everything has been positive, but all the anxiety & fear comes rushing back again, even if just for that short period of time.
Plus, my own health issues are dogging my ass. I had a dental procedure, and quickly became ill, turns out all that nasty bacteria was released into my bloodstream, and it's been like a pinball hitting a different part of my body every couple of weeks. Luckily, it hasn't affected my heart, but I'm on antibiotics yet again, because of my kidneys. A neuro consultation at the hospital was screwed up, because they scheduled me with the wrong Dr.
Yeah, I've kicked myself in the ass more then once about being grateful for the blessings we have. And I truly am. But to be honest, I feel like crap, am tired, cranky, and just don't feel like crapping rainbows right now. So I'm not.